[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
Oh, this is so heartbreaking.
Former Victoria’s Secret model Emily DiDonato got super candid in a teary-eyed TikTok on Thursday. In it, she revealed that she suffered a devastating miscarriage “a few weeks ago” but is now finally “ready to share.”
The 33-year-old, who shares daughter Teddy, 2, and son Oliver, 1, with her husband, Kyle Peterson, discovered the sad news when she went in for her first scan about two months into the pregnancy. Since she’d had two easy pregnancies, she wasn’t worried about complications — until it was suddenly all she could think about.
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Just three days before posting her video, she went in for the scan where her world came crumbling down. She explained:
“First of all, I felt so cocky and confident going into this appointment because I had two normal, healthy pregnancies prior to this. My doctor was doing the scan, I wasn’t even listening to her, I was literally just laying there looking at the scan and she said something and I was like, ‘What did you say?’ And she was like, ‘I’m not seeing what I want to see here.’ And I was like, ‘Well I’m pregnant, right?’ And she was like, ‘Well there definitely was a pregnancy but it stopped growing.'”
Oh, no.
Emily “immediately” started to “blame” herself, she said:
“Everyone can say it’s not your fault but your brain immediately goes to, ‘When did that happen? And why?'”
On the day she filmed the video, she was headed in for a dilation and curettage (D&C), in which a doctor removes tissue from the uterus. She shared:
“I’m in my office trying to distract myself because I am so deeply and profoundly sad.”
Emily continued elsewhere in the video:
“Something that freaks me out about the whole thing is knowing that life started here and it also ended here, and I’m still carrying that life.”
Such a heartbreaking thought! The content creator went on:
“When you find out you’re pregnant, whether you like it or not, your entire body, mind, and spirit gets behind the fact that you’re pregnant. You start planning, you start plotting, everything changes the second you find out you’re pregnant. That’s the blessing and curse of becoming a mother, you just care so deeply. And then all of a sudden you’re just not anymore.”
Naturally, the grieving momma is now really nervous to try again for a third child — and now doesn’t even know if she really wants to despite always wanting three kids. She shared:
“What I didn’t anticipate is, like, because I’ve gone through this process now, I’m kind of like, ‘Will I ever want to get pregnant again?’ I feel terrified to want to try again, because, like, what if this happens again? Is this the new norm for me? I’ve always wanted a third baby, and I feel greedy even saying that. It’s just always been my dream to have three kids. But a part of me is like, ‘Maybe this is the universe saying, two is good for you.'”
Oof. She concluded:
“I’m filming this not to have people feel sorry for me. I have a wonderful life and I’m very blessed with two healthy children, but [I hope] this makes anyone feel less alone.”
Hopefully, opening up helps her feel less alone in the pain, too! There were so many women in the comments who discussed their similar losses and encouraged her to stay strong, too. Some wrote:
“It’s such a horrible pain. I’ve had multiple miscarriages and it never gets easier but I had two beautiful babies after. All your feelings are valid and it’s not your fault. I’m so sorry”
“Also the most comforting thing I heard — that baby lived a perfect life — only knowing the love and comfort of their mother.”
“Sending love
it’s gutting. I had to do the appt alone during Covid. I blamed myself. Keep going. We tried again and baby #3 is here, I was terrified for every scan”
it’s gutting. I had to do the appt alone during Covid. I blamed myself. Keep going. We tried again and baby #3 is here, I was terrified for every scan”Sending Emily and anyone who is dealing with this kind of loss so much love!! So brave of her to open up about this publicly. See her full post (below):
@didonatoemily This was a few weeks ago but i now feel ready to share. If you’ve experienced this type of loss as well, i’m so sorry ❤️
Thoughts? Share them in the comments (below).
[Image via Emily DiDonato/Instagram/TikTok]
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