If you thought the craziest thing to happen in politics this week would be Joe Biden dropping out… well, you were right, that one was impactful. But crazy meaning CRAZY?! That has to go to this JD Vance couch thing!
If you haven’t seen, folks have been posting memes about Donald Trump‘s running mate having sex with a couch, and frankly it’s just gotten funnier and funnier. But… WHY??
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OK, so it seems to have started back on July 15 when an X (Twitter) user going by the handle @rickrudescalves tweeted:
“can’t say for sure but he might be the first vp pick to have admitted in a ny times bestseller to f**king an Inside-out latex glove shoved between two couch cushions (vance, hillbilly elegy, pp. 179-181).”
O.M.G. That is just… WOW! He’s saying Vance actually admitted to it in his dubious memoir Hillbilly Elegy. The thing is, that is the type of ridiculous, embarrassing story that finds its way into memoirs. Think of Prince Harry talking about his frostbitten penis in Spare, and how the cream he put on it reminded him of his mother. And it’s not like most folks have the time or mental fortitude to actually go and read Hillbilly Elegy and check! (FYI, those pages are just about his time at Ohio State.)
So that’s how it started. We’re sure some folks actually believed the rumor — it’s weird, but he seems like a weird guy. And of course a lot of folks just thought it was too funny. And the memes spiraled out from there! The story of Vance humping a sofa really got around this week, and soon we had jokes for days! Here’s a selection of some of the best:
we cannot let JD Vance near the oval office pic.twitter.com/aKEAnaoLBB
— Amy A (@lolennui) July 24, 2024
— kristina. (@cosmepolitics) July 25, 2024
— charlie (@charlie_gpt) July 26, 2024
when you let jd vance housesit pic.twitter.com/VswzF48oWT
— Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) July 25, 2024
When JD Vance kicks his old love interests to the curb:#SectionalPredator pic.twitter.com/wPuPZEQmkh
— Ax Lizzie ???????????????????? @brainmist.bsky.social (@AxLizzie) July 25, 2024
JD's porn hiding in plain sight pic.twitter.com/BmDVcr5ewd
— Dr. Maria Hoeffer, ND (@MariaHoeffer) July 26, 2024
JD Vance trying to get a girl back to his place. pic.twitter.com/AsreeashWG
— Travon Free (@Travon) July 25, 2024
The other household objects watching J.D. and the Couch pic.twitter.com/oSouIcuSdX
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) July 26, 2024
JD Vance pauses the video here pic.twitter.com/zQOk0ffg5G
— Clue Heywood (@ClueHeywood) July 25, 2024
DO NOT show this couch to JD Vance pic.twitter.com/fhlyYTOArY
— worm buxx (@kayteterry) July 25, 2024
my favorite throuple pic.twitter.com/4CDkg9zHR7
— scotty???????? (@plathiandc) July 25, 2024
When JD Vance sees the sofa display in a furniture store pic.twitter.com/cBiLlArGJA
— Ragnarok Lobster ???? (@eclecticbrotha) July 23, 2024
Last one…I promise. pic.twitter.com/6yIm1m7WqX
— Meacham ???? ???? (@MeachamDr) July 22, 2024
I’m officially dead ????????????
????Sound up???? pic.twitter.com/8Lx60qpcxh
— ;Name's H͎o͎w͎, the OG Meme Thief ; ???????????????????????? (@MyOneAndOnlyKat) July 25, 2024
“JD Vance upsetting his wife on purpose so he has to sleep on the couch”
“I interviewed a sofa in Columbus. I won’t get into salacious details, but she said Vance has been “couch-surfing” from Toledo to Cincinnati.”
“So Trump is a sexual predator, and Vance is a sectional predator?”
“JD Vance has gotta be sofa king tired of these couch jokes by now”
Heck, Republican representative Jack Kimble hilariously wrote:
“Of course JD Vance went off on cat ladies. Have you seen what a cat can do to a couch?”
The funniest part is when the rumor got so big that real news orgs like the AP actually published fact check articles explaining Vance never actually admitted to having sex with a couch! Only, they actually wrote, “No, JD Vance did not have sex with a couch.” Then they had to delete that because they realized they can’t prove he never had sex with a couch, only that he never wrote about it. Now that‘s comedy!
Perhaps the craziest thing though? Before the internet can even get tired of the ridiculous couch thing, a NEW JD Vance creepy sex thing is already replacing it! And this one is based in fact!
See, a few months ago Vance got caught posting something he thought was funny. In February he joked on his X account, “Maybe the internet was a mistake” as the caption as he quote tweeted a video of a woman being sexually assaulted by a dolphin.
The thing was, when he did the words “woman” and “dolphin” were bolded — meaning he’d specifically been searching for that clip, or another like it with a woman and a dolphin. We mean… seriously, WTF? Why are these guys so weird??
It seems that the #Couchgate might have all been a ruse to hide JD Vance's explicit dolphin erotica search history. This man is tough to keep up with. The bolded words are the terms he searched. pic.twitter.com/rMXn0MVpqo
— Rep. Jack Kimble (@RepJackKimble) July 26, 2024
Now the dolphin memes are already beginning…
PLEASE DO NOT LET JD VANCE ANYWHERE NEAR THIS pic.twitter.com/uAv5TwIqFC
— MeidasTouch (@MeidasTouch) July 26, 2024
I will pay one million dollars to a journalist if they interview JD Vance on this sofa pic.twitter.com/Pjjz0Yxboj
— Claire Zagorski, MSc, LP (@clairezagorski) July 26, 2024
[Image via MEGA/WENN.]
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