[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
John Mulaney’s ex-wife got real about just how devastated she was when he broke up with her to be with Olivia Munn.
As Perezcious readers will recall, the comedian filed to end his seven-year marriage to Anna Marie Tendler in July 2021 after a stint in rehab. The former couple first split in May — around the same time rumors of his relationship with Olivia started. Naturally, there was a lot of debate about whether John cheated on the 39-year-old artist due to the sus romance timeline!
None of them addressed the cheating rumors at the time. Even to this day, Anna Marie still hasn’t confirmed or denied the speculation! However, she has been brutally honest about her intense feelings during the time of their breakup – especially in her new memoir Men Have Called Her Crazy, which was released on Tuesday.
Brace yourselves.
Anna Marie does not hold back when it comes to this dark chapter in her life. In the book, she admitted she felt like she was “dying” when her marriage to John came to an end:
“My marriage was falling apart, and the more I tried to hold on, the faster it seemed to slip away. I began cutting with more frequency than at any point in my life. I was nauseous all the time and had stopped eating. No one saw how thin I had become because I only saw people from the chest up through a computer screen.”
Related: Aaron Rodgers’ Parents Claim Ex Olivia Munn DID Cause Family To Break Apart!
Things got so bad that she made a “plan” to die by suicide one day and even wrote a note amid her heartbreak:
“Thoughts of dying and death consumed me. I had the will, a plan, and the means to carry out the plan.”
Oof. Once Anna Marie wrote the note, she had second thoughts. She ripped it up “into tiny pieces the following day” and scattered “it into various garbage cans” around New York City. Shortly afterward, “on the recommendation” of her therapist, she checked into a mental health facility for “intense suicidal ideation, self-harm,” and “disordered eating.”
Years after her divorce from John, Anna Marie wrote:
“I do still feel like I’m dying after a breakup. Only now I feel like I’m dying for one, maybe two days, instead of an entire week. Or month. Or months. That’s progress. I’ve come to understand that the dying feeling comes after the anger wears off, when I’m left with the emptiness of knowing I must once again rely largely on myself for company.”
And again, as time has passed, she is not “miraculously” in a better place when it comes to her mental health. The photographer still struggles with suicidal ideation:
“I won’t pretend that I’m miraculously happy now, that I never think about wanting to die. I do. But my old brain before the hospital would think: ‘I want to die. I deserve to die. No one will ever love me. Why am I even alive? Maybe I should act on this now so I don’t have to feel this way anymore.’ Now my brain thinks: ‘I want to die. Okay, what is this feeling? This is grief. Grief is one of the hardest feelings to feel. Why I am alive? I’m alive because I have jobs to do.’”
To combat some of the loneliness she felt, though, Anna Marie began her journey into motherhood. She continued:
“I didn’t realize having children was a choice until I was in my early 20s. It seemed like something everyone had to do at a certain point, a natural progression of life stages. No particular moment catalyzed the choice. I simply remember thinking one day, ‘Oh wait, I don’t have to be a mom.’ From that day forward I never really wanted to be one. My reservations about motherhood have been shaped by my feelings about men, their general incompetence, their propensity toward selfishness, and their inability to empathize with the female experience.”
During her 20s and early 30s, the author thought she “still had ‘so much time.’” But now that Anna Marie is nearing her 40? She realized she didn’t have “much time at all,” which led her to try in vitro fertilization. At first, the makeup artist thought the process would be easy, especially when it came to injecting herself due to her history of self-harm. However, she soon found out that wasn’t the case. Anna Marie revealed she only got four viable eggs, leaving her gutted:
“My eyes fill with tears and I can no longer read the card. I never considered I might not get many eggs. Most of my friends who have also gone through this process froze double digits. I just assumed I would follow suit. I feel like a failure.’”
A year later, Anna Marie gave it another shot. Unfortunately, she had to stop the second round before she even began as her doctors discovered an ovarian cyst. Since then, though, she hasn’t tried to go back to IVF — and doesn’t know if she ever will. Now, she cannot help but fear losing her “community” of friends and being alone:
“I’m afraid that once everyone in our group has children except for me, I’ll be unimportant – the single, childless woman to whom they can no longer relate. I’m afraid I’ll lose my community and my support system, and that fear is so intense that it comes out as laughter at the same time it comes out as tears. I remind myself for the millionth time that on the other side of pregnancy is motherhood, and I’m not sure I’m up for that.”
Damn. Anna Marie did not hold back in her memoir, no matter how gut-wrenching the details are. Reactions? Let us know in the comments below.
For resources on mental health, visit https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help.
If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, there is help available. Consider visiting https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ or call their hotline at (800)-931-2237 for resources.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, help is available. Consider contacting the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, by calling, texting, or chatting, or go to 988lifeline.org.
[Image via Sheri Determan/WENN, MEGA/WENN]
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